This last week has been completely ridiculous for me.
Last Wednesday, I was feeling particularly overwhelmed, emotional and doing a truly horrible job at overcoming it. So when I went to the AD screening that evening and there were fresh, homemade, still-warm chocolate chip cookies, I couldn't say no.
And I didn't want to.
I figured, it would be all right, I could climb back on the wagon on Thursday, get back to my Whole30, and I'd be ok. Right?
The problem with a sugar addiction is that, like any other addiction, once you've had a little bit, all you can think about is getting more.
Thursday was rough because I got into my roommate's Nutella (bought at Costco by yours truly - I thought I was being nice).
Friday, I got a huge bag full of leftover Valentines' Day and Halloween candy. One of my cleaning clients told me to get rid of it all, and I hate to see things go to waste. That evening, I had a date and we went to Urth Caffe for desert and coffee.
Saturday, after eating 3 croissants from Costco (I should NEVER have bought those), I went to dinner with friends, and then we all went to Urth Caffe for desert and coffee.
Sunday, I binged on more of those Valentines' Day chocolates and then went to dinner at Gladstones as a late birthday thing. Because it was my birthday, we got a slice of their Mile-High Chocolate cake. The cake itself wasn't even very good, but I still couldn't stop eating it!!!!
Then of course, yesterday was Sprinkles Cupcakes' 10-year anniversary, so they were giving away free cupcakes!! Literally the only thing I ate yesterday was sugar: 2 cupcakes, ice cream and more of those chocolates.
I have no self-control.
Why do I post this? Why do I confess to this in such a public way?
Maybe because I've let food become my God. It's become a truly idolatrous relationship and it's not healthy.
Maybe it's because I'd really like to start a conversation. Like with alcohol, some people can control their impulses and don't overindulge. I am not one of those people. Like an alcoholic, I seek sugar, I binge, and then I suffer the consequences.
Today, for example, sucked. A lot. I did not have any sugar at all. I had an egg and cheese croissant for a late lunch, but that's the only carbs I had today. I've got a crazy headache and I'm cranky and exhausted. It's a sugar-hangover. I want to go into the kitchen right now and eat nutella, or have a hot chocolate or something to make this go away.
Instead, I'm going to go eat something healthier and unsweetened. Never "sugar-free", but unsweetened.