I've been thinking a lot lately about personal growth. In my church (the WONDERFUL Turning Point Church), we're embarking on a year of learning how to trust God: what that means, how do we actually do that, and a host of other goodies.
We change our behavior when the pain of staying the same becomes greater than the pain of changing.
-Dr. Henry Cloud
I have trust issues. I don't trust people to like me, to not immediately reject me, so I've been incredibly self-defensive, self-protective and emotionally unavailable.
Depressing? Not anymore
Now that I've acknowledged that I do all of that, I can work to change it. I am trying to learn to take the initiative in my relationships, and be more willing to take risks emotionally.
The thing is, all of that really affects my creativity. While I like not getting hurt, it also insulates me from the deeper emotions, the things that can really trigger beauty and growth.
Honestly, I'm lonely.
I've never been in love before, never had my heart broken and tried to pick up the pieces. I'm so scared of losing that I never risk.